"I wonder when they'll start building houses without all the unnecessary rooms?" he queried to no one in particular.
"Like what?" asked Todd.
"Like living rooms and formal dining rooms and kitchens."
"Kitchens?" echoed Jerry, "A house without a kitchen?"
Donald ignored him. "You must admit it makes a lot of sense. All you really need anymore is a TV room, some bedrooms and a couple of baths. It would sure make housing more affordable. A lot of the expense of a house is in the plumbing an wiring needed for ..."
"Ya, but who would buy a house without a kitchen?" interrupted Todd.
"A lot of people! How many people use their kitchen any more. At the rate things are going it won't be long until people don't use their kitchens at all. When was the last time you or your old lady cooked a meal in your kitchen? Huh, Todd?"
"That's beside the point. What about Christmas and Thanksgiving? This is stupid. This is another one of your stupid discussions. How come you always start these stupid discussions?"
Jerry jumped in to break the two of them up. "Well, the Perfesser's got a point. You pay a lot of money every month year round to have that kitchen, formal living room and dining room sitting there collecting dust. If your house didn't have them the difference in your payment would be enough in a year that you could have a caterer do Christmas and Thanksgiving both and still be way ahead."
"Bull shit!" said Todd. "Anyway, not everybody can afford to eat out every meal. The poorer people who could most benefit from lower cost housing are the ones who most need to do their own cooking."
Donald immediately saw the fallacy in this argument and jumped on it. "So you are saying that we should expect the poorer people to cook for themselves while those who are better off should be able to eat out."
"Ya," responded Todd, figuring he had him, "It's already that way. It's the law. Food stamps are good at the grocery store but not at fast food places. Aren't they?"
"Ya, Prof," chimed Jerry, "are you saying we should let people use their food stamps at the fast food places?"
"Look guys, you can't impose lifestyle preferences on welfare recipients. You have to give them the money and let them use it in accordance with their own culture and lifestyle." replied Don, leading the discussion a little deeper.
"Bull shit, and double bull shit." responded Todd meaning to settle the argument and end the discussion. "It's our money and we can tell them what they can spend it on and what they can't. Why do you think food stamps can only be used to purchase certain items at the grocery? It's because the government has decided that we can regulate how the welfare dollars can be spent."
Donald came back with a gleam in his eye. He was beginning to enjoy this. He wanted it to go on. "Ya, but what the government wanted to assure when they established food stamps was that a portion of the welfare went to buy food that could be used to feed the children. Why can't you feed them just as well at McDonalds."
"And probably cheaper too," said Jerry. "Last Friday night, Lois sent me to the grocery with a list. I got two steaks, the stuff for a baked potato and a salad, and some broccoli. Some bread to heat in the oven, and a couple of other items and the bill was $68.00. Hell, we could have eaten steak at the best steakhouse in the city for less than that."
"Ya, Todd and another way you could make welfare more efficient and still feed the poor is to require all welfare recipients to grow a garden and raise some portion of their own food." added Donald with tongue in cheek. "Instead of food stamps you could issue packages of seed. Particularly, to those who have a yard. The government could require them to dig up their lawns and plant tomatoes or something."
"Well you obviously can't do that," said Jerry, "What would you do about those that don't have yards, and those that are handicapped or have physical limitations that prevent them from working in a garden. And what are you going to do about those that don't know anything about gardening, who don't know which side of a potato to plant up."
"Ya, and what are you going to do about those who can't cook, and don't know how to prepare nutritious and balanced meals. Or how about those who have physical handicaps that prevent them from using cooking appliances and tools." added Donald.
"Bull shit! This is all bull shit and I'm not going to sit here and listen to it any more." said Todd as he got up to leave. Donald and Jerry watched him as he left the cafe. Then Donald laughed. "I love it! I just love it!"
Copyright © 1996 Steve Falkenberg