Cafe -- Monday April 22 6:50 am

Jim came in shortly after Edna had opened up. She was still sweeping under the back booths. He grunted at her when she brought his coffee. It was clear he didn't want to speak and it was too early for her to be an enthusiastic conversationalist either. She finished setting up for the morning run in silence, got a cup of coffee, and sat on the stool by the door to the kitchen where she always sat. She lit a cigarette. Eddie was still asleep in the back.

Edna could see that Jim was down. He sat with his back to the door, his head down, staring at the table. Edna noticed how bent his shoulders appeared. His elbows were on the table. He barely moved.

Edna heard a vehicle moving out on the street, doors slammed. She sighed. Jerry and Hoss came past the storefront window and stepped up the one step to the door of the Cafe as they opened the door.

Jerry: (finishing a sentance begun outside) . . . and drove the son-of-a-bitch off the road. They said he rolled it 3 times, the silly mother fucker.

Hoss: (moving to the table) Hey Jim.

Jerry: (pulls out chair next to Jim. Swings his leg over the back and sits down.) Well Jim you old son-of-a-bitch, you look like shit today.

Jim: (barely looking up) I feel like shit today.

Jerry: What's the matter man. You and the old lady been feudin'.

Jim: No. My damn tractor blew up Friday night.

Jerry: Blew up?

Jim: The hydraulic pump went out. Damn thing!

Edna: (arriving at the table with two cups of coffee) You've had a rough spring, haven't you Jim. You boys going to eat anything this morning or you just gonna take up space.

Hoss and Jerry order thier food. Jim isn't hungry. As Edna is leaving the table the door opens and three women (in their 60's), Liz, Betty, and Martha, make their entrance. As they pass the table Jerry greets them with a slight nod of the head.

Jerry: Morning ladies.

Liz: Good morning Mr. Barnes. Lovely morning, isn't it?

Jerry: (responding to Liz and then turning to Betty Jones a close friend of his mother) Yes ma'm, it is. Ms. Jones, it's nice to see you again this morning.

Betty: Indeed. Didn't pastor Bob do a nice job with the sermon yesterday?

Jerry: Yes, ma'm, I thought he really gave 'em hell.

With that the ladies moved to the front booth, near the window, across the door from the table where the men were sitting. Edna moved in to take their orders.

Jerry: (turning to Jim) Did you get any seeding done.

Jim: Not much. I'd made about 4 rounds on that piece down next to the Gardner place when it blew up.

Jerry: You've had a god damn rough spring. Have you gotten anything other than 4 rounds at the Gardner place done this spring.

Jim: Twenty acres.

Jerry: What are you going to do?

Jim: I called Josh and he said it will be at least three weeks before they can get the parts in from Chicago. Dammit guy's I don't know what I'm going to do. What with the damn funeral and all that crap. That put me a month behind. Sometimes I just want to give up. Farming is for shit.

Jerry: Do you think you can pull your drill with that John Deere of mine. I'm not using the god damn thing. I do all my shit with that big mother. It's just sitting in the fucking shed.

Hoss: Yeah. It'll pull it. I pulled a drill like yours with one of them for years.

Jerry: Shit man. Come and get it.

Jim: I don't know. I ..

Jerry: Dammit come and get the fucking tractor. I'll pull it out of the shed this morning and you come get it this afternoon.

Jim: But . .

Jerry: But shit. I can use the other one for anything I need to do and you can keep the fucking John Deere all spring. I don't give a shit.

Jim: OK. Thanks. I'll be out after lunch.

Jerry: Shit man, that's what neighbors are for.

Meanwhile, the ladies were discussing what happened at Sunday School yesterday. Martha had not been there as her daughter had picked her up on Friday and taken her into the city to sit with the grand kids Saturday night.

Liz: Mable Walters wasn't there again yesterday.

Betty: She's missed quite a lot lately. Her husband is Sonny Walters the insurance agent, right?

Martha: Yes. Is anything the matter?

Liz: Well I don't know, but they asked for prayer for her when they had the prayer requests in class yesterday.

Martha: What for?

Liz: Well you know Jenny lives in those new appartments on the North side of town. Sonny's secretary at the insurance agency lives in one of the appartments out there too. Jenny was the one that asked for prayer for Mable. She said that Sonny's old truck was parked at the secretaries appartment all night again Saturday.

Betty: Poor Mable. Well there is no mistaking that old truck.

Martha: Well we do need to keep Mable in our prayers then.

About this time, the men's conversation got a little louder.

Liz: I really do wish those men would watch their tongues. They can be so filthy mouthed.

Betty: And that Jerry Barnes is one of the worst. And him sitting in the choir just singing and all yesterday and then this morning talking like that.

Liz: If there was another Cafe in town, I swear. But it's 12 miles to Bartletsville and I just can't see driving that far just to get away from these men's filthy mouths.

This last was spoken just in a pause in the conversation at the men's table. Jerry overheard. He pivoted his chair on one chrome leg and turned toward the women.

Jerry: Ma'm, God doesn't give a damn if a person says a healthy fuck, screw, hell, damn, or shit.

Liz: (firing back) "If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body." James 3:2 and "for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh." Matthew 12:34

Jerry: Ma'm you are taking those verses out of context. What God gives a damn about is when we assassinate the character of our neighbor. And it don't make shit to him whether or not we do it with sweet sounding words or in the vernacular.

Liz: Well at least you should obey the 4th commandment, "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain"

Jerry: Look ma'm, saying god dammit isn't taking the name of the Lord in vain. Taking the name of the Lord in vain is what a preacher does when he uses the pulpit to bilk the people of money which he then spends on big houses, jet airplanes, and trips to Europe and the holy land.

Liz cleared her throat and turned back to the women, turning her shoulder toward the men. Jerry ignored her. About that time a vehicle pulled up outside.

Hoss: Here comes Sonny Walters. You can hear him coming in that old truck for a mile.

Jerry: Remind me to stay out of the god damn insurance business. I don't think he can afford a new truck.

Jim: That's because the farmers can't afford the insurance.

Sonny opens the door and comes in. His clothes look like he slept in them, his hair is dishevelled and he looks tired.

Jerry: Sonny you old son-of-a-bitch, you look like shit this morning.

Sonny: I feel like shit this morning.

Jerry: What the hell happened.

Sonny: I just got back from another one of those damn mandatory sales meetings in Minneapolis. Drove all night. Do you know how much a room costs at a downtown hotel in Minneapolis.

Jerry: That's bull shit. You couldn't make it to Minneapolis in that old truck. Hell, I'd be surprised if it'd take you to Bartletsville.

Sonny: (Calling to Edna behind the counter) Edna. Bring me some coffee, black. Two eggs, bacon and toast.

Edna: What? You going to order food for a change?

Sonny: (Ignoring Edna's remark) No. I didn't drive. Sharon drove her car. They make the office people attend these damn meetings too.

Hoss: You need to go home and get some sleep.

Sonny: Can't do it. Gotta keep the office open. I'm gonna let Sharron get some sleep and come in at noon. Anyway, Mable's at her mother's.

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Cafe -- Tuesday April 23

Send comments to:

Steve Falkenberg

Steve.Falkenberg@eku.edu

Jerry: (finishing a sentance begun outside)	. . . and drove the son-of-a-bitch off the road. They said he rolled it 3 times, the silly mother fucker.
Hoss: (moving to the table)	Hey Jim.
Jerry: (pulls out chair next to Jim. Swings his leg over the back and sits down.)	Well Jim you old son-of-a-bitch, you look like shit today.
Jim: (barely looking up)	I feel like shit today.
Jerry:	What's the matter man. You and the old lady been feudin'.
Jim:	No. My damn tractor blew up Friday night.
Jerry:	Blew up?
Jim:	The hydraulic pump went out. Damn thing!
Edna: (arriving at the table with two cups of coffee)	You've had a rough spring, haven't you Jim. You boys going to eat anything this morning or you just gonna take up space.

Jerry:	Morning ladies.
Liz:	Good morning Mr. Barnes. Lovely morning, isn't it?
Jerry: (responding to Liz and then turning to Betty Jones a close friend of his mother)	Yes ma'm, it is. Ms. Jones, it's nice to see you again this morning.
Betty:	Indeed. Didn't pastor Bob do a nice job with the sermon yesterday?
Jerry:	Yes, ma'm, I thought he really gave 'em hell.

Jerry: (turning to Jim)	Did you get any seeding done.
Jim:	Not much. I'd made about 4 rounds on that piece down next to the Gardner place when it blew up.
Jerry:	You've had a god damn rough spring. Have you gotten anything other than 4 rounds at the Gardner place done this spring.
Jim:	Twenty acres.
Jerry:	What are you going to do?
Jim:	I called Josh and he said it will be at least three weeks before they can get the parts in from Chicago. Dammit guy's I don't know what I'm going to do. What with the damn funeral and all that crap. That put me a month behind. Sometimes I just want to give up. Farming is for shit.
Jerry:	Do you think you can pull your drill with that John Deere of mine. I'm not using the god damn thing. I do all my shit with that big mother. It's just sitting in the fucking shed.
Hoss:	Yeah. It'll pull it. I pulled a drill like yours with one of them for years.
Jerry:	Shit man. Come and get it.
Jim:	I don't know. I ..
Jerry:	Dammit come and get the fucking tractor. I'll pull it out of the shed this morning and you come get it this afternoon.
Jim:	But . .
Jerry:	But shit. I can use the other one for anything I need to do and you can keep the fucking John Deere all spring. I don't give a shit.
Jim:	OK. Thanks. I'll be out after lunch.
Jerry:	Shit man, that's what neighbors are for.

Liz:	Mable Walters wasn't there again yesterday.
Betty:	She's missed quite a lot lately. Her husband is Sonny Walters the insurance agent, right?
Martha:	Yes. Is anything the matter?
Liz:	Well I don't know, but they asked for prayer for her when they had the prayer requests in class yesterday.
Martha:	What for?
Liz:	Well you know Jenny lives in those new appartments on the North side of town. Sonny's secretary at the insurance agency lives in one of the appartments out there too. Jenny was the one that asked for prayer for Mable. She said that Sonny's old truck was parked at the secretaries appartment all night again Saturday.
Betty:	Poor Mable. Well there is no mistaking that old truck.
Martha:	Well we do need to keep Mable in our prayers then.

Liz:	I really do wish those men would watch their tongues. They can be so filthy mouthed.
Betty:	And that Jerry Barnes is one of the worst. And him sitting in the choir just singing and all yesterday and then this morning talking like that.
Liz:	If there was another Cafe in town, I swear. But it's 12 miles to Bartletsville and I just can't see driving that far just to get away from these men's filthy mouths.

Jerry:	Ma'm, God doesn't give a damn if a person says a healthy fuck, screw, hell, damn, or shit.
Liz: (firing back)	"If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body." James 3:2 and "for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh." Matthew 12:34
Jerry:	Ma'm you are taking those verses out of context. What God gives a damn about is when we assassinate the character of our neighbor. And it don't make shit to him whether or not we do it with sweet sounding words or in the vernacular.
Liz:	Well at least you should obey the 4th commandment, "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain"
Jerry:	Look ma'm, saying god dammit isn't taking the name of the Lord in vain. Taking the name of the Lord in vain is what a preacher does when he uses the pulpit to bilk the people of money which he then spends on big houses, jet airplanes, and trips to Europe and the holy land.

Hoss:	Here comes Sonny Walters. You can hear him coming in that old truck for a mile.
Jerry:	Remind me to stay out of the god damn insurance business. I don't think he can afford a new truck.
Jim:	That's because the farmers can't afford the insurance.

Jerry:	Sonny you old son-of-a-bitch, you look like shit this morning.
Sonny:	I feel like shit this morning.
Jerry:	What the hell happened.
Sonny:	I just got back from another one of those damn mandatory sales meetings in Minneapolis. Drove all night. Do you know how much a room costs at a downtown hotel in Minneapolis.
Jerry:	That's bull shit. You couldn't make it to Minneapolis in that old truck. Hell, I'd be surprised if it'd take you to Bartletsville.
Sonny: (Calling to Edna behind the counter)	Edna. Bring me some coffee, black. Two eggs, bacon and toast.
Edna:	What? You going to order food for a change?
Sonny: (Ignoring Edna's remark)	No. I didn't drive. Sharon drove her car. They make the office people attend these damn meetings too.
Hoss:	You need to go home and get some sleep.
Sonny:	Can't do it. Gotta keep the office open. I'm gonna let Sharron get some sleep and come in at noon. Anyway, Mable's at her mother's.